


Letters To Merlin

by BecsX



Series: Letters [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Love Letters, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-13
Updated: 2012-02-17
Packaged: 2017-10-31 03:18:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/339289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BecsX/pseuds/BecsX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin finds a letter addressed to him, a letter that Arthur never intended him to find.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Letters to Merlin

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while back but I have to say I'm rather proud of it. I hope you enjoy!

Merlin let himself into Arthur's room and immediately set to gathering Arthur's cast aside clothing that was strewn right across the room. Bending down to retrieve one of Arthur's tunics from dangerously close to the fire, something caught his eye. A parchment, screwed up and slightly singed from its extremely close call with the flames.

Merlin tossed the tunic in his hands in the general direction of the laundry basket he had brought into the room with him and grabbed the parchment. Just as he was about to toss it into the flames as he was sure his Prince had intended, he saw his name staring up at him in Arthur's neat but clearly hasty writing.

Frowning, Merlin straightened up and unscrewed the parchment only to be met with a full letter, addressed to him.

_Merlin,_

_This, I hope, you never find. I cannot imagine my humiliation at your inevitable rejection were you to know of my innermost thoughts and so I fully intend to burn this note as soon as I am finished._

Merlin looked up from the letter and glanced around the room. He felt almost guilty for reading something that Arthur obviously intended to keep secret but, he reasoned, this was actually addressed for him if not entirely intended for him. Taking a deep breath Merlin continued to read.

_It seems that my_   _Father has instilled an inability in my personality to express my feelings for those that are close to me and I fear that this may extend to you. I dearly hope that you are aware of how much I care for you, despite my inability to tell you as I should. I promise you that I have tried, but words of affection continue to fail me in your presence. Even now, I am finding it difficult to write these words in spite of the fact that I know this will never find you. But Merlin, I do love you._

Merlin's heart stuttered. His gasp sounded loud and ragged even to his own ears. Suddenly feeling as though he was intruding, Merlin swallowed hard and intended to screw up the note in his hands but could not bring himself to destroy it. Instead, he folded the note carefully and tucked it inside his tunic. He would decide what to do later. For now, he desperately needed to clean his master's chambers.

__________

 

Hours later, Merlin had been dismissed by Arthur for the night and was finally allowed to retire to the antechamber next door to Arthur's room as he had recently taken to doing as Arthur had begun to shout for him during the night. His mind skipped back to the note; I do love you.

Staring at the ceiling for what felt like an eternity, Merlin's mind skittered over the words he remembered from the note. There was more to the note; he had stopped reading not even half way through. Perhaps Arthur explained that his love for him, Merlins heart sped up involuntarily, was purely platonic. Decision made, Merlin dived towards his discarded tunic and dug around in search of the note. Pulling it out victoriously, Merlin lit the candle next to his bed and flattened the note out against his stomach before raising it into his eyeline.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, he read. 

_I do love you. More than I can express. More than, I think, anyone can express if I am honest and, in light of the fact that this is merely an outlet for my thoughts, I feel that I must be for the sake of my sanity._

Merlin could practically hear Arthurs frustrated sigh, and grinned. 

_Each time I attempt to tell you of my feelings, I lose my grip on what remains of my sanity and the words 'I love you' somehow morph into some sort of insult to your intelligence. Each time I try to show you how I feel I feel the inexplicable need to cover it with a jibe about your clumsiness or your inherent i_ _nability to resemble even the slowest of manservants. I hope you know that I do not mean my comments to sound so cutting. I hope you know that it is my way of holding you close to me._

_I wait, with a fierce trepidation, for the day that you finally grow tired of me, tired of my stunted emotional maturity, a maturity needed to show you the love you deserve, the love that I feel but am unable to show. It is silly, I am sure, but I have nightmares about waking to find you gone or, worse, in the arms of another._

_I am afraid I am rather selfish in this instance; I know you deserve better than I can give you, but I am unable to let you go. I need you. I fear that I am not be enough to keep you happy and by my side. I try everyday to grow into the person you wish me to be, the person I wish me to be but it is hard to break the habit of a lifetime in order to truly think of others._

_I admit it is getting easier as time goes on; each time I am about to regress, or, in the rarer case of automatic reactions, do regress, I feel your eyes burning into me. An image of you, angry and disappointed, jumps into my mind and I stop myself. If I have already committed the act, I apologise immediately and berate myself on your behalf if you are unable to do so._

_You know, of course, that I am not perfect. I am far from it in fact, far from the person I need to be to become a good, fair King. I hope that when the time comes, you will go forward with me to my throne. Not as my servant but as my advisor. I feel that you hold secrets from me Merlin._

Merlin's heart practically stopped. He couldnt possibly know! 'No, of course he doesnt, I still have a head.' Merlin reasoned with himself.

_Secrets that I may never know._ _I know you well, but at the same time I do not know you at all. It despairs me that I know this as the truth. I hope that one day you can tell me of your secrets, but I swear I will not push you to find out._

_I must stop this now. I have been summoned to meet with my Father. Know this Merlin, no matter your secret, no matter how terrible, I love you. Nothing can ever change that._

_Yours Forever,_

_Arthur_

Merlin smiled broadly. His Prince loved him, actually loved him. A swell of love burst from his chest seeping into every cell of his body.

"Merlin!" Arthur called from his chamber "Merlin get in here you idiot." Grinning broadly Merlin rolled out of his bed and walked into his masters chamber.

"Yes sire?" he asked pleasantly

"It's freezing in here! I need you to stoke the fire." Merlin did so without question "How is it in there? It must be cold." Merlin shrugged "You better stay in here. I cant afford you to be even more useless frozen stiff."

Merlin smiled serenely "Yes sire."

 

_______

 


	2. Letters to Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin replies to Arthur's letter... fluff ensues!

Arthur strolled into his chambers, throwing his jacket in the general direction of his chair. It had been a long, tough day and he wanted nothing more than to lie down and _rest_.

Throwing himself facedown onto his large bed he closed his eyes with a contented sigh. His jacket jumped into his mind, forcing one of his eyes open and towards his discarded jacket lying haphazardly on the floor. He stared at it for a second before he groaned and rolled off his bed before he picked his jacket up and put it carefully into his cupboard.

He rested his forehead against the smooth wood and exhaled heavily. His life had changed beyond recognition over the months that his feelings Merlin had slammed rather forcefully into his consciousness. He had come far too close to losing his friend that night. The arrow wasnt even intended for the oaf but of course Merlin had jumped right in front of Arthur, sacrificing himself for him again. And now, Arthur was cleaning up after himself to save Merlin work. Love was a strange thing.

Pushing himself away from the cupboard a small perfectly folded square piece of paper on his table caught his eye. Curious, Arthur sauntered over and picked the small note up; his name stared at him followed by what could only be described as a representation of a smiling face.

Opening the note up, he began to read;

_Arthur,_

_I have a confession to make... I found your letter._

Arthur's heart leapt into his mouth. Oh by the Gods please don't let it be that letter.

_The one addressed to me. The one you wanted to burn, turns out you didnt quite reach the fire._

Oh. No.

_I assume you were in a rush; you dont usually miss anything! I wondered if you actually wanted me to find it, but since you had to go and meet your Father I suppose you were slightly distracted. Not that that usually bothers you that much but you know, I'm talking, or rather writing about nothing again._

_Funny how I'm nervous even on paper! Anyway! I think I might start writing about random things in this but I swear I'm trying to get to the point. Okay, I don't know how else to get into this properly so please excuse my bluntness and utter lack of your way with words but, well I hope you meant what you said in your letter because I kind of feel the same way._

Arthur's eyes widened as his mouth dropped open. Merlin felt the same?

_I'll admit I was a bit shocked when I read it the first time... and the other eight hundred times, but that was only because I never thought you could ever love me. Me! I'm smiling like an idiot even when writing this! Every time I think about you feeling that way about me, I smile. Have you noticed my random bouts of insane smiling?_

Arthur had. He smiled himself at the thought. Merlin hadnt stopped smiling for three weeks.

_That's for you Arthur. Every smile, every laugh, every breath is for you. I hope you don't think I'm being horribly girly about this. I sort of feel that I am. Giggling like a little girl every time I slip into one of my fantasies, sorry, moments. Not fantasies... that would be embarrassing. ~~To have fantasies about you kissing me and holding me and telling me that you love me. And to think pretty much exclusively about what it would feel like to wake up in your arms.~~  Um.... Just ignore that bit, please. I'd start again but I don't think Gaius would be overly pleased about me making a small mountain out of screwed up bits of his papers. _

_I really ought to get to the point. This is difficult!_

_Okay, I've been arguing with myself over whether or not I should tell you that I know. I mean, it was relatively clear that you didn't really want me to know but I'm pretty much pinning my hopes on the fact that you didn't want me know because you didn't think I felt the same (you prat! Of course I feel the same!). If it's for another reason I guess Im a little bit buggered, but I think it would be better for you to know than not know. I want to know where I stand, I suppose._

_If you don't want this to go anywhere, that's fine. I promise I won't bring this up unless you do. It's entirely up to you. But before you screw this up and throw it into the fire (more carefully this time!) I want to say, or write, one thing first._

_I love you._

_Despite all of your prattish, or rather, previously prattish ways, I love you. I love the man you are, I love the man you want to be and I love the man you will be. I love the way you care so much for your people, I love the way you put everyone else's needs before your own (even if you don't admit that you do) I love the way you would do anything to make your people's lives better. I love you more than you can imagine._

_There. I said it. It's all in your hands now Arthur. I hope you mention this. I'm probably sitting in my room nervous as anything right at this moment. Please, no matter your decision, please come to put me out of the misery of not knowing._

_If you want to do something about this, tell me. If you don't, order me to do something. I just want to know for sure. It's been killing me!_

_If this is the last time you will allow me, I love you._

_I love you._

_Yours forever,_

_Merlin_

_P.S. I promise I will tell you my secret one day. But please keep in mind you swore not to push me._

 

Arthur looked up from the note, waited a beat and bolted out of the door.

Minutes later he crashed through the door to Gaius and Merlins chamber's, startling Gaius so much he dropped the glass tube in his hand.

"Prince Arthur! Whatever is the matter?" Gaius asked immediately.

"Where's Merlin?" he asked, pre empting Gaius answer in heading towards the steps leading to Merlin's room.

"His room." Gaius answered rather redundantly.

Arthur opened Merlin's door quietly, his eyes falling on an extremely nervous Merlin staring at a single spot on the floor.

"Merlin." It took an age for Merlin to lift his eyes to Arthurs.

"Yes Sire?"

"You are an idiot". Merlins face fell immediately.

"Right." He replied sullenly. "Of course."

"How could I not want to do something about this?" It was almost comical how fast Merlins mood turned around, his expression brightening, an enormous grin spreading across his features drawing Arthur's own lips into an answering grin.

"You do?"

"Of course I do. I meant what I said in the letter Merlin. I love you." Merlin's eyes went glossy "You really _are_ being a girl about this" Arthur said even whilst pulling Merlin into his loose embrace.

"I honestly can't help it." Arthur nodded before he leant forward and pressed his lips to Merlin's in a kiss so sweet it was almost chaste.

"I love you." he whispered when the broke apart unable to stop himself now that he knew Merlin wouldn't run.

A soft "I love you too" ensured his jackets would be very carefully placed in his cupboard from now on.


End file.
